Father’s Day is genuinely a very happy day filled with celebrating all the things that Dads do and showing them appreciation – unless you don’t have one. For many this is one day of the year that is pushed down and forgotten about until the whole world shoves it back in your face and you’re reminding what you’re missing, weathering your circumstances [passed or absent]. Situationally things could be the same but the utter anguish it causes in a person is so different – my brother and I have the same father but two very different experiences.. that’s why you have to find what works for you to cope and don’t give up until you do. Today I’m sharing some things that I’ve learned over the years to cope with an absent father on Father’s Day, I hope they’re able to help you too.
There’s nothing wrong with you
A lot of the time we put the blame back onto ourselves and it’s so easy to think you’re the problem, that if you could have done something different or better maybe then they would love you. It’s only been recently that I’ve been able to see outside of that perspective and realize that there isn’t anything wrong with me – it’s them. When you can understand that they aren’t capable of giving you what you need and that you deserve more – you can rationalize that they only think and care about themselves. They do things that benefit themselves without thinking of the consequences to anyone else’s feelings because they aren’t capable of doing so, and that has nothing to do with you.
Celebrate how far you’ve come without him
Growing up I was always disappointed that my father wasn’t there to celebrate a majority of my accomplishments or milestones in life. Slowly but surely I’ve been able to flip the script and change my thought process. Instead of being sad I’ve used that energy to empower and push myself. My attitude became “fuck you, I can do this WITHOUT you” and I realized that it was truly his loss at the end of the day – he will never know me or get to be apart of the amazing life I’m building.
If you need to justify this to yourself further think about this: do you really want that kind of person in your life? Think about all the people who have held you up and been by your side this entire time, those are the people you deserve, that is your family.
Take it and grow
Although I would never wish this experience on another living soul, I can sympathize deeply with those of you who have gone through the same thing or something similar.
The best thing you can do in life when it throws you shitty curve balls is learn from the experience. Don’t be how he is as a parent, don’t seek quality’s like his in a partner – break the cycle so that you can feel free and your future relationships won’t have to suffer. I’m a huge advocate for counselling and seeking help outside of yourself because we don’t always know the right ways to help ourselves, right?
Narcissist will never admit their faults nor make an effort to change them- so the best thing is to cut your losses, cut contact and move on. It becomes a burden to you to constantly have to wonder why they make the decisions they do. It’s hard to face the fact that you probably will never understand why they are the way they are, but in hindsight isn’t that a blessing? It means you can’t relate, it means you are nothing like them.
I hope this post brought you some comfort and taught you some skills you can bring forward not only this Father’s Day but for the rest of your life. Take care my loves!
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